Stirring Memories Along With My Soup

This past weekend, we celebrated David’s 22^nd birthday.  David is Paula’s son and he wanted a cookout with our family tribe.  So we prepared ribs, smoked sausage, curried potatoes and corn on the cob for 20 or so of our closest friends.  As usual, we had a great time of fellowship and eating.  Our friend Linda gave me a great idea for cooking and serving the corn.  I am always looking for easy ways to prepare food for a crowd.  We loaded a cooler with the fresh corn on the cob and poured salted boiling water over it.  Shut the lid and waited for 30 minutes.  That was it.  Really, it was that simple.  The corn stayed warm through the whole evening.  It was sweet and succulent, fresh and crisp.  I melted some butter and provided a basting brush for those who wanted to butter their corn.  This was so easy! 

I paid a bit more and bought the corn already cleaned from Sam’s.  That made it super simple and was worth the extra cost.  I also bought the ribs and smoked sausage there.  I miscalculated on the ribs.  I thought they came 2 to a pack, so I bought 3 packs to get 6 slabs.  Imagine my surprise when I opened the first package to find 3 slabs of ribs.  We had such an abundance of ribs that I didn’t cook all of the sausage.  So now I am left with a 3 pound package of smoked sausage.  I started thinking back to a time when I was 22 and a soup that I made.

This is probably the first recipe I made up totally on my own.  I was 22 years old, newly divorced and living in an old 10 X 50 foot mobile home.  I was living on my own for the first time, struggling with my sexual orientation and just trying to be happy.  Boy, thinking back on those times makes me nostalgic for my cockatiel Sammy who whistled the theme to the Andy Griffith Show.  He would also say “I love you”, which was a comfort to me in those days.  I remember falling asleep to Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” feeling lonely, helpless and hopeless.

I tried so hard to be straight.  I struggled with myself and God.  I married to prove I wasn’t gay.  I wanted to be good.  My marriage was a dismal failure, for many reasons.  I felt trapped in the tangle of my decisions.  I attempted suicide.  I was proven a failure again.  I couldn’t even kill myself right.  After that, I divorced and moved back in with my parents for a time.  Moving into this mobile home was my first attempt at real independence.

That old trailer was frigid in the winter and suffocating in the summer.  The trailer park was located next to the train tracks.  The train felt like it was barreling through my bedroom at night vibrating by bed and deafening my ears with the sound.  Sometimes I thought the trailer might shake right off its foundation.  I lived there for a year, and in the spring, I moved into a nice apartment close by.  A few weeks later, that trailer was indeed shaken off its foundation by a tornado.

Ultimately, it took me 8 more years to come to terms with my sexuality and finally come out.  Coming out was like being reborn for me.  I discovered a bright new life full of promise and possibility.  Though my struggles for happiness weren’t finished yet, being true to my self lifted a huge weight off my soul.  Eventually I was able to find my way back to God.

Our memory is a funny thing.  Thinking about making this soup, I think through the years since I first made it.  I have changed it some, improved it I think.  The flavors are certainly more complex and interesting than that first soup I made when I was 22.  The same could be said for my life.  I love being married and having such a complex and diverse friendscape.  .

To start this soup, I put my dutch oven on the stove to preheat.  I add some olive oil and when it begins to shimmer, I add a chopped onion.  After the onion becomes translucent, I add a couple of tablespoons of chopped garlic, red pepper flakes and some of the smoked sausage that I have cut into cubes.  I will add the rest later.  I want to render the cubed sausage to infuse the soup with flavor.

When the onions are beginning to turn brown and the sausage has given up its fatty goodness, I add some sliced mushrooms.  I let the mushrooms cook for a little while then add some quartered red potatoes.  I like the red potatoes for this dish because they hold their shape and don’t break down so quickly.  Then I add enough chicken broth (you can use water) to just come to the top of the potatoes.  I turn the heat up so the liquid begins to bubble. 

Now I add some Greek Seasoning.  This is something that I have used since the first time I made this soup.  You add whatever seasonings you have on hand.  Just as the potatoes begin to soften, I add the cabbage.  Chop it or shred it however you want.  I add enough that it looks like the pan is going to overflow.  It will wilt down and be fine.  When the cabbage has cooked down some, I add the rest of the sausage that has been cut in 2 or 3 inch pieces.  I cover the pot and cook for 20 or 30 minutes then I then taste for a final seasoning.  The Greek Seasoning has salt in it and if you use chicken broth, that will add salt as well so I normally don’t add any more.  Just taste and adjust.

As I look back over the past 30 years since I first made this soup, I am so happy I am where I am today.  Back then I struggled most everyday for a bit of happiness.  Now those struggles are just sometimes and I most always can see past the moment and realize the struggle is temporary.  When I was 22 I could not imagine being married to someone who treats me with respect and love.  I could not imagine a life filled with friends and joy as I have now.

On most days, I am confident and at peace; at peace with God and myself.  I am at peace with my past and look forward to the future.  I am happy. I wish for David to have the same experience of growing and changing as he ages.  It certainly makes life more interesting.