Flamingos and Frogs Forevermore

This past weekend, we had the great pleasure of receiving a dinner invitation to the home of some new friends.  Sarah and Sue are a delightful couple and are planning to be married soon in Iowa.   I am so excited for them!  When we arrived, Paula and Chris went into the living room with Sue and I joined Sarah in the kitchen.  Watching her prepare our dinner, I knew I had met a kindred spirit.  It was obvious that she cooks from her heart and with an eye for beauty.

She was chopping sweet potatoes adding them to some other vegetables for roasting and on another counter was a chocolate cake next to a bowl of fresh raspberries promising a scrumptious ending to our feast.  I asked if I could help and she told me that she didn’t know what I could do.  I understand that.  When you’re in a flow with cooking, it can be more disruptive than helpful to have someone step in.  I decided to join the others in the living room. 

Sharon arrived shortly after.  She will be travelling with the happy couple to be a witness to their wedding.  It wasn’t long before the tempting smells wafting from the kitchen became such a distraction that all conversation was about how hungry we were.  Sarah called us to fill our plates.  The plates were a simple pattern accented with the same pink of the flamingos which abounded all around the house.  Sarah collects flamingos and I think they are a perfect complement to her graceful nature.

I was struck by the beauty on my plate.  The Parmesan Chicken was succulent and moist with a salty flavorful crust.  The roasted vegetables were caramelized to sweet perfection.  The sweet potatoes created a great contrast to the turnips and cauliflower all having the dark brown edges indicating intense flavor.  Along side was a most beautiful Summer Salad.  The greens were tossed with the sweetness of strawberries and blueberries along with the tang of blue cheese.  My plate looked like a work of art.  I knew it was going to taste just as beautiful.  And it did.

As we were enjoying our meal, Sarah and Sue were sharing with us their plans for travelling to Iowa.  They received their marriage license by mail and had their hotel reservations made.  Sue was so excited to have found a hotel with an outdoor pool.  She was planning on spending her time by the pool while Sarah and Sharon went shopping.  I thought this was funny especially since Sue collects frogs and it seems very “froglike” to be drawn to the water.  Their house is filled with frogs and flamingos of all kinds and I loved it.  I thought it fit them very well.

Visiting with them about their plans certainly brought back memories of when Paula and I married.  That was certainly an adventure!  I am not a particularly political person, nor am I an activist.  I just live my life and you can think of me what you will.  I have to admit, though, the marriage equality issue is one that is close to my heart. 

I remember going to Dallas to get our marriage license.  We had all kinds of documents in a bulky folder to support our claim to the license.  We arrived in the appropriate office bright and early one Friday morning.  There was one other couple waiting and we let them go first.  We were ushered into the inner office as the young woman explained that she was substituting for the regular person who was off sick that day.  I thought “Oh honey, you are going to be glad you’re here today.”

We sat down, started spreading out our documents: my birth certificate and driver’s license and Paula’s birth certificate, passport under her former name, change of name documents, and driver’s license. The young woman politely looked at us pushing away all of the documents and simply stated “I’m sorry, we don’t recognize same sex marriage here in Texas.”  We started to explain that Paula was transgender and she interrupted us saying that she was going to call upstairs.

We were instructed to go upstairs to another office.  This office was a large open area with lots of hustle and bustle.  We were met at the counter by a woman obviously not so happy to be there.  We explained our situation and she quickly deferred to her supervisor.  This next woman was as diminutive in stature as she was huge in attitude.  She was stuck on the fact that both of our driver’s licenses had “F” for female therefore we could not obtain a marriage license. 

We asked to speak to her supervisor, a very quiet man who stood by as she continued her argument.  Paula started quoting a lawsuit ,Littleton vs Prange, and it was obvious the woman had neither heard of nor cared about this lawsuit. Littleton vs Prange was a 1999 lawsuit that voided the marriage between a man and a transsexual woman, thus establishing a precedent of recognizing only the birth sex of a transgender person as applied to marriage. Both Paula and this woman were becoming polarized in their arguments and Paula began to lean over the counter raising her voice, the woman standing toe to toe with her asserting her rightness about our driver’s licenses.  As the pressure mounted, I felt tears of disappointment sting my eyes with the regret that were would not be able to get our license.  Then a thought occurred to me.

I did research online before we went to Texas and remembered that you only needed certain documents to obtain a marriage license.  I interrupted these two and swept all of the documents aside on the counter.  I said “What if I give you this” handing her my drivers license “and this” handing her Paula’s passport along with the document changing her name.  “Would this work?”

The woman looked over the documents, thought for a moment and said “Yes, that would work.”  She walked away going about what ever process it took to get the license.  Paula and I did not look at each other, we did not speak.  The woman came back, handed over the document.  I said “Thank you” and we turned to go to the elevator not saying a word until we reached the sidewalk outside and finally able to breath.  It was quite an experience for sure! 

We were married the following weekend in the gardens in front of Cathedral of Hope Dallas.  That ceremony changed my life.  It changed our relationship and it changed me.  It was then that I really came to realize the importance of being able to be legally married.  There is something about having a legal document recognizing your relationship.  I realized then that this is why the fight for marriage equality is so important.

I wish for Sarah and Sue a wonderful experience in Iowa.  I’m looking forward to hearing about all of there adventures, shopping or sitting by the pool and getting married.  I’m sure we will share these stories and many more over shared dinners as we get to know one another better.  Congratulations to you both!