Flamingos and Frogs Forevermore

This past weekend, we had the great pleasure of receiving a dinner invitation to the home of some new friends.  Sarah and Sue are a delightful couple and are planning to be married soon in Iowa.   I am so excited for them!  When we arrived, Paula and Chris went into the living room with Sue and I joined Sarah in the kitchen.  Watching her prepare our dinner, I knew I had met a kindred spirit.  It was obvious that she cooks from her heart and with an eye for beauty.

She was chopping sweet potatoes adding them to some other vegetables for roasting and on another counter was a chocolate cake next to a bowl of fresh raspberries promising a scrumptious ending to our feast.  I asked if I could help and she told me that she didn’t know what I could do.  I understand that.  When you’re in a flow with cooking, it can be more disruptive than helpful to have someone step in.  I decided to join the others in the living room. 

Sharon arrived shortly after.  She will be travelling with the happy couple to be a witness to their wedding.  It wasn’t long before the tempting smells wafting from the kitchen became such a distraction that all conversation was about how hungry we were.  Sarah called us to fill our plates.  The plates were a simple pattern accented with the same pink of the flamingos which abounded all around the house.  Sarah collects flamingos and I think they are a perfect complement to her graceful nature.

I was struck by the beauty on my plate.  The Parmesan Chicken was succulent and moist with a salty flavorful crust.  The roasted vegetables were caramelized to sweet perfection.  The sweet potatoes created a great contrast to the turnips and cauliflower all having the dark brown edges indicating intense flavor.  Along side was a most beautiful Summer Salad.  The greens were tossed with the sweetness of strawberries and blueberries along with the tang of blue cheese.  My plate looked like a work of art.  I knew it was going to taste just as beautiful.  And it did.

As we were enjoying our meal, Sarah and Sue were sharing with us their plans for travelling to Iowa.  They received their marriage license by mail and had their hotel reservations made.  Sue was so excited to have found a hotel with an outdoor pool.  She was planning on spending her time by the pool while Sarah and Sharon went shopping.  I thought this was funny especially since Sue collects frogs and it seems very “froglike” to be drawn to the water.  Their house is filled with frogs and flamingos of all kinds and I loved it.  I thought it fit them very well.

Visiting with them about their plans certainly brought back memories of when Paula and I married.  That was certainly an adventure!  I am not a particularly political person, nor am I an activist.  I just live my life and you can think of me what you will.  I have to admit, though, the marriage equality issue is one that is close to my heart. 

I remember going to Dallas to get our marriage license.  We had all kinds of documents in a bulky folder to support our claim to the license.  We arrived in the appropriate office bright and early one Friday morning.  There was one other couple waiting and we let them go first.  We were ushered into the inner office as the young woman explained that she was substituting for the regular person who was off sick that day.  I thought “Oh honey, you are going to be glad you’re here today.”

We sat down, started spreading out our documents: my birth certificate and driver’s license and Paula’s birth certificate, passport under her former name, change of name documents, and driver’s license. The young woman politely looked at us pushing away all of the documents and simply stated “I’m sorry, we don’t recognize same sex marriage here in Texas.”  We started to explain that Paula was transgender and she interrupted us saying that she was going to call upstairs.

We were instructed to go upstairs to another office.  This office was a large open area with lots of hustle and bustle.  We were met at the counter by a woman obviously not so happy to be there.  We explained our situation and she quickly deferred to her supervisor.  This next woman was as diminutive in stature as she was huge in attitude.  She was stuck on the fact that both of our driver’s licenses had “F” for female therefore we could not obtain a marriage license. 

We asked to speak to her supervisor, a very quiet man who stood by as she continued her argument.  Paula started quoting a lawsuit ,Littleton vs Prange, and it was obvious the woman had neither heard of nor cared about this lawsuit. Littleton vs Prange was a 1999 lawsuit that voided the marriage between a man and a transsexual woman, thus establishing a precedent of recognizing only the birth sex of a transgender person as applied to marriage. Both Paula and this woman were becoming polarized in their arguments and Paula began to lean over the counter raising her voice, the woman standing toe to toe with her asserting her rightness about our driver’s licenses.  As the pressure mounted, I felt tears of disappointment sting my eyes with the regret that were would not be able to get our license.  Then a thought occurred to me.

I did research online before we went to Texas and remembered that you only needed certain documents to obtain a marriage license.  I interrupted these two and swept all of the documents aside on the counter.  I said “What if I give you this” handing her my drivers license “and this” handing her Paula’s passport along with the document changing her name.  “Would this work?”

The woman looked over the documents, thought for a moment and said “Yes, that would work.”  She walked away going about what ever process it took to get the license.  Paula and I did not look at each other, we did not speak.  The woman came back, handed over the document.  I said “Thank you” and we turned to go to the elevator not saying a word until we reached the sidewalk outside and finally able to breath.  It was quite an experience for sure! 

We were married the following weekend in the gardens in front of Cathedral of Hope Dallas.  That ceremony changed my life.  It changed our relationship and it changed me.  It was then that I really came to realize the importance of being able to be legally married.  There is something about having a legal document recognizing your relationship.  I realized then that this is why the fight for marriage equality is so important.

I wish for Sarah and Sue a wonderful experience in Iowa.  I’m looking forward to hearing about all of there adventures, shopping or sitting by the pool and getting married.  I’m sure we will share these stories and many more over shared dinners as we get to know one another better.  Congratulations to you both! 

Chili Today and Hot Tamale

The other day, I received an email from my friend Rae.  Her daughter and son-in-law were coming for a visit and she wanted me to meet them.  She told me that Charlotte was going to give a lesson in making tamales and I was invited.  Tamales are definitely one of Paula and Joey’s favorite Mexican foods and I had been researching recipes.  I knew enough to know that making tamales is quite an undertaking.  I excitedly accepted the invitation.

The plan was to meet at Rae’s house about 3:00 in the afternoon, make the tamales and then stay for a wonderful Mexican feast in the evening.  When I arrived, Charlotte and Rae were already mixing the first batch of masa.  They started with 5 pounds of masa and a pound of butter.  They had it in a big bowl and were using Rae’s KitchenAid stand mixer to blend this stiff dough.  Rae had already prepared the fillings for the tamales, shredded pork for some and then cheese and chiles for others.  After a time, Rae got the cooking liquid from the pork out of the refrigerator.

This cooking liquid was thick and rich, making my mouth water when the spicy aroma reached my nostrils.  I could just imagine what a great addition it would make to a spicy green chili pork stew.  But, we were here to make tamales, so this went into the masa to bump up the flavor.  After the mixer ran for what seemed a really long time, Charlotte took a marble size ball of the dough and dropped it in a cup of water explaining that we would know the masa was ready if the ball floated.

With the masa complete, we were ready to assemble.  There were 5 of us sitting around the table assembling the tamales.  When it came time to start with the chile and cheese filling, I took the liberty of a taste.  Rae told me she roasted the jalapenos bought from the local farmer’s market.  After de-seeding the jalapenos, she added them to some caramelized onions and chili peppers.  The mixture smelled heavenly and as I brought the spoonful to my mouth I was transported back to Santa Fe, New Mexico.

A couple of summers ago, Rae, another friend of ours Rita, and I travelled to Santa Fe School for the Deaf for an ASL Immersion Week.  What an adventure!  We spent our days immersed in a world of American Sign Language and our evenings exploring the food of Santa Fe.  Rae was on a quest to explore the world of chili peppers and I gladly joined her.  No matter what meal or where you were, there were chilis to be sampled.  In bread, on eggs, in stews, in chocolate, chilis permeated the air and culture of Santa Fe.

One evening, we went to a restaurant some of the other students had recommended.  We were seated outside in a very pleasant area lush with flowers and alive with the smells and sound of Santa Fe.  Rae is Deaf and was thrilled to be immersed in a world of Sign Language.  I was just learning and struggled a bit with communication.  This dinner was quite comfortable, though.  We signed, ate and laughed, generally having a wonderful time.  We rose from our table, bellies full and our hearts overflowing with the laughter of blossoming friendship.  As we were leaving, Rae realized she had left her receipt on the table.

Rae went back to the table and I went on the meet Rita at the front of the restaurant.  She was standing next to the host who was leaning on a podium looking a bit bored.  He was a rather tall man with extremely curly salt and pepper hair.  He was dressed in black slacks, a white shirt and was wearing the biggest turquoise cross necklace I’ve ever seen.  I rounded the corner and was signing to Rita explaining that Rae had gone back to the table to get her copy of the receipt.  Rita signed back to me that she needed a copy of hers, too but had left hers on the tray.  I suggested maybe she could get a copy of it from the cashier.  I said she should ask the host if this was possible.  All of this communication took place using Sign Language.

Rita then turned to the host and said out loud “Could we get a copy of our ticket?”  This man about jumped through the ceiling exclaiming “Oh good Lord I thought you were Deaf!”  I burst out laughing at his exaggerated reaction, Rita followed suit as did the host.  The three of us were recovering when Rae came around the corner signing that she had not found her ticket.  The man looked at her and said “Now don’t you start!” which just started Rita and me on another fit of laughter.  We had to explain to Rae what had just happened and to the man that Rae was truly Deaf.  Oh my goodness, that was such a fun time!

Rae, Rita and I were still laughing when we returned to the school that evening.  We staggered up the sidewalk towards our dorm rooms.  In the distance, we saw a woman from our cottage and she made the sign for “drunk” with an inquiring look on her face.  Of course, this just made us laugh harder having to lean on each other for support.  No, we weren’t drunk on alcohol, but our souls were drunk on laughter and good times.  I suppose to the bystander it looks the same.

These were the memories evoked by that spoonful of chili filling.  As I looked around this table of women stuffing and rolling tamales I was struck once again with the importance of preparing meals in our lives.   This time together allowed opportunity for us to get to know each other better and for Rae’s daughter to catch a glimpse of her mother’s rich life.  I can picture a family spending all day preparing tamales and bonding during the process.  Hours later we all sat outside enjoying the summer breeze and wonderful meal of tamales. 

Flowers on the Table and Stew in the Pot, It's all good

Before Paula and I met and married, I was a florist.  I loved my job and felt very blessed to be able to wake up and go to work every day doing something that I loved.  I was surrounded by beauty and interacted with so many wonderful people on a daily basis.

Then a bitter break up forced me to sell my family land and close my business, I was left feeling empty.  The one bright spot in my life was Paula. The profession that had once filled me with pride now left me feeling bitter and depressed.  It was now a chore to drag myself out of bed in the morning to fulfill my obligations for the day.  I had lost my love for flowers.

My passion turned to building a new life and home with my new family.  Slowly, my brokenness began to heal as I redefined myself.  I was no longer defined by my job, but by the total of life.  Paula and I got married and life was once again good. 

One evening I was sitting on our couch visiting with one of our new friends, Christa.

Christa worked as a Sign Language Interpreter and was sharing with me that her boss was looking for a new scheduler.  This was just a casual conversation as I wasn’t particularly looking for a new job.  The more we visited, though, the more interested I became.  The clincher was that the position offered benefits rarely offered in flower shops.  I contacted Stephanie and we agreed to meet the following week.

The thought of working in an office environment was a bit alien for me.  More than motivated by the benefits the new job offered, I felt lead by God that this was the path for me.  I have grown so much as a result of this decision.  Three years later, I have a renewed passion for my work.  Stephanie has taught me so much about advocating and Deaf Culture.  I have met many wonderful and interesting people through my job.

Stephanie is not only my boss, but my friend.  I have much respect for her and have grown to love not only her, but her family as well.  Stephanie’s birthday is in May.  As I often do for my friends, I prepared a meal in honor of her birthday.  We share a culinary passion, so we prepared this meal together.  The dish she chose is Beef Bourguignon.  It’s a little complicated, but well worth the effort.

I went to the new Uptown Market in Edmond to do the shopping.  I love this store!  My first impression was the wall of fresh flowers as you come in the front door.  I chose a mixed bouquet of orange purple and bright green flowers for my dining room table.  I knew just the vase I was going to use.  A bell shaped green art glass left from my florist day.  Slowly my love for flowers has started to re-emerge recently.  As I rounded the corner, I was startled as someone called my name.

A young woman I had met recently was working behind the cheese counter.  We spoke for a moment and as I meandered on, I looked up to see an old friend working in the deli.  I haven’t seen her for a number of years and she rushed up and hugged me so tight, it was wonderful!  She reminded me of some of the best times in my former life.  We exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes.  I gathered my ingredients and as I headed to check out, I ran into yet another friend who works there.

This is a new friend who lives in our neighborhood.  As we walked out to my car, she told me about a medical condition which was causing her to lose her hearing in her left ear.  She was very distressed about it.  I was pleased to be able to share with her my work, and my experience with my own hearing loss.  We too, exchanged numbers and I’m sure this conversation will be ongoing.

Having gathered the ingredients, I was ready to start.  I begin by rendering a few slices of thick cut bacon in a dutch oven.  While the bacon is browning, cut a nice thick chuck roast into about 2” cubes.  When the bacon is brown I take it out of the pan and set aside.  Make sure that the cubes of beef are dry by patting all sides with paper towels.  Add a little olive oil to the pan with the bacon fat.  Season all sides of the beef with salt and black pepper and brown in the mixture of olive oil and bacon fat.  This will have to be done in batches.  If you crowd the pan, the meat will steam, not brown. As the meat is browned on all sides, set it aside with the bacon.  This process takes a bit of time, but be patient.  It is well worth the effort and this is a crucial step.

After the cubes of beefy goodness are all browned to perfection and set aside, brown the mushrooms and set them aside, too.  Soften a large chopped onion in pan before adding a few cloves of crushed garlic along with some salt and pepper and red pepper flakes.  When the onions are just beginning to turn brown add several carrots cut into 2 inch pieces and a bag of frozen pearl onions then stir everything together.  Let all of this cook together for 5 minutes or so before you add a tablespoon or two of tomato paste. 

Incorporate the tomato paste into the vegetables then deglaze the pan with a bit of the wine.  I think any full bodied red is fine.  Just make sure it’s not a sweet red wine.  Now it’s time to add everything back in.  Place the meat on top of the onions and carrots, then the mushrooms and bacon on top of that.  Now pour most of the bottle of wine, adding some beef broth to bring the liquid level almost to the top of the meat.  Leave the top exposed.  Bring this all to a simmer, replace the lid and braise the stew in a 350 degree oven for 1 ½ hours.

Set out 4 tablespoons of butter at room temperature.  After 1 ½ hours, bring the stew back up to boil on the stove top over medium high heat.  Combine 4 tablespoons of flour with the room temperature butter and drop this mixture a spoonful at a time into the boiling liquid to thicken the sauce.  Then turn the heat down to low and simmer for at least half an hour with the lid off.  At this time, we could hardly wait as the savory aroma from the stew was wafting throughout the house.  Serve with nice crusty bread for a very satisfying experience.  It is also very good with a side of mashed potatoes or egg noodles.  This is such a heartwarming, belly satisfying dish, every spoonful is filled with comfort and complexity and is only improved by the addition of a glass of Irony Pinot Noir. 

While we were preparing the stew, the doorbell rang and there was a floral delivery for Stephanie.  A friend had sent her a beautiful bouquet of brightly colored flowers.  The red tulips, yellow snapdragons, pink lilies, bright red spray roses and chartreuse mums were designed artistically in a window box garden style.  I must admit I felt a pang of nostalgia looking at them.  Yes, I loved my time being a florist.  But life does move on and so have I.  I once again wake up in the morning thankful to have a job that I love.